Just when you thought small town politics couldn’t get any stranger, welcome to the Wild West-inspired town of Twisp. Stripped of its police force, this town finds itself in a high-stakes game of ‘Sheriff Roulette’. As the dust settles, it’s the Okanogan County Sheriff’s office that emerges as the new “Law in Town,” providing what they’ve labeled as a ‘bargain bin’ police service. It’s like a Clint Eastwood movie, but with more paperwork and less gunfire.

In a hastily called meeting – the only thing missing was a tumbleweed rolling through – the council approved a contract as quickly assembled as a rush-hour subway sandwich. The deal? The Sheriff’s office will handle everything from the pettiest to the grossest misdemeanor within Twisp city limits, all for the low, low price of $500 per call response. That’s right, folks, the going rate for law and order in Twisp is now roughly equivalent to an iPhone payment plan.

But hold on to your cowboy hats, because there’s more! If Twisp wants a deputy to add a dash of authority to their local parade, that’ll cost extra, including the deputy’s commute. Think of it as Uber, but with a badge, a gun, and no star ratings.

Doing some quick math at the OK Corral, Mayor Soo Ing-Moody estimates that with an average of 32 calls for police assistance a month, the town will be forking over about $16,000 per month. At these rates, it’s a wonder they haven’t considered outsourcing to Batman.

Now, let’s crunch some numbers. A well-staffed police force of three officers would cost around $150,000 to $200,000 annually, a fair bit less than the projected $192,000 (based on the $500 per call response rate) that the town is slated to pay for this “Sheriff Roulette.” Even a superhero, though it sounds ludicrous, could come cheaper, especially if they decide to settle for a Batman without the Batmobile. But hey, there are other ways to deal with minor offenses like parking violations, right? Civilian parking enforcement officers, for instance. They don’t require the same level of training as police officers and are cheaper to employ. Or how about automated parking enforcement systems? Cameras and sensors could be installed to detect and issue tickets to violators. More cost-effective, with the added benefit of no coffee breaks!

This rootin’-tootin’ arrangement was whipped up when the town’s last remaining police officer, Interim Chief Ty Sheehan, decided to ride off into the sunset. He’s off patrol but still on the payroll through the end of May for ‘accumulated vacation time’. And who said public service doesn’t have its perks?

And just when you thought this plot couldn’t get any thicker, it turns out that the town has been without a police chief since former Chief Paul Budrow traded his modest town badge for the glitzy sheriff’s star. Despite attempts at recruiting with the promise of a hiring bonus and an increased salary, the position remains as vacant as a ghost town.

Sheriff’s Office Chief Criminal Deputy Rick Balam, communicating via the wonder of the internet, assured the town, “We will attempt to be in the valley as much as we can.” Not a promise, but hey, in the game of ‘Sheriff Roulette’, sometimes you have to take what you can get.

But never fear, this deal doesn’t include such pesky tasks as animal control or parking regulation enforcement. And as a cherry on top, the sheriff’s office will provide and maintain police professional liability insurance coverage. Talk about a silver lining!

Like a bad relationship with a pre-agreed breakup clause, this contract can be canned by either party with a month’s notice. Meanwhile, Twisp is left hoping that their game of ‘Sheriff Roulette’ doesn’t backfire, as they continue their frantic search for a new chief. Who knew law enforcement could be so… hilarious?

And now, for the cherry on this topsy-turvy sundae. Former Chief Budrow, now Sheriff Budrow, is essentially on the Twisp payroll again, but this time with more zeros and a bit more bling on his badge. It’s like paying your exorbitant cable bill only to find you’re still getting reruns.

But wait! There’s more. Our dear sheriff seems to be moonlighting as a politician, penning love letters to Governor Jay Inslee about the romance of gun control. His sonnet to stringent firearm restrictions for “law-abiding citizens” is as touching as it is perplexing. You see, the good folks of Twisp may be left scratching their heads, wondering why they’re paying a premium for their former chief-turned-sheriff to potentially protect them from their own Second Amendment rights.

But our savvy Sheriff doesn’t stop there. No, sir! Budrow coyly suggests that Twisp’s citizenry might fancy contributing to his political campaign to bolster deputy sheriff services locally. Now, isn’t that just the bee’s knees? Pay the sheriff to keep the peace, then dig a little deeper into those pockets to ensure he can campaign for stricter gun control. It’s like buying a concert ticket and then being asked to tip the lead singer for hitting those high notes.

Twisp, with its new-found generosity, has even been known to lend a helping hand to its neighboring town, Winthrop. Yes, the same Winthrop that now refuses to return the favor by sharing the services of its marshal. Well, in the wild, wild west of Twisp, it seems, it’s every town for itself.

And let’s not forget the town council’s decision-making process, which raises more questions than it answers. Why the last-minute called meeting with minimal public input? Why hasn’t the town council made a greater effort to involve the community in these important decisions? Surely, the citizens of Twisp have a vested interest in how their tax dollars are being spent and who is keeping their streets safe.

But even in this tangled web of law enforcement logistics, the town’s commitment to public safety remains steadfast. As they juggle budgets and navigate the revolving door of personnel changes, one can only hope their aim in ‘Sheriff Roulette’ is as good as their intentions.

So, while Twisp may be currently lacking a police chief, they’ve certainly found themselves a storyline worthy of a Wild West saga. As the sun sets on this quirky tale, one can’t help but wonder what tomorrow’s sheriff shuffle will bring. Will Twisp find its police chief, or will it continue to dance to the tune of Sheriff Budrow’s law enforcement lottery?

For now, we’ll have to hang on to our hats and watch the spectacle unfold. Because in Twisp, it seems, the only predictable thing about law enforcement is its unpredictability. So, grab your popcorn and settle in, folks. It looks like this show is just getting started. And who knows? Maybe next time, they’ll consider a superhero hire after all. After this saga, nothing’s off the table.

In this saga of ‘Sheriff Roulette’, one can’t help but wonder about the
role of the Okanogan County Commissioners. Their silence has been as
deafening as the absence of a sheriff’s star in Twisp. Chairman Chris
Branch, Vice-Chairman Andy Hover, and Board Member Jon Neal, it seems,
are content to watch from the sidelines as our law enforcement turns
into a game of chance. Do they approve of this costly and inefficient
system? Or is their lack of intervention a tacit endorsement of this
ludicrous situation? The voters of Twisp deserve better. The voters of
Okanogan County deserve better. So, where’s the oversight,
commissioners? Are you complicit in this farce or just spectators in
this increasingly expensive and unpredictable show? The stage is yours,
gentlemen. The audience of Twisp is waiting.

Your Local ‘Sheriffs’ and ‘Outlaws’ / Crooks Are Aching for Your Fan Mail:

Like any good villains in a Wild West saga, our illustrious leaders enjoy a good piece of fan mail or two. So, why not drop them a line? Share your thoughts, your frustrations, or even your own creative solutions for our law enforcement conundrum. Remember, folks, this ain’t their first rodeo, but it sure does help to hear from the crowd:

Sheriff Paul Budrow
(509) 422-7200
ocso@co.okanogan.wa.us

Okanogan County Commissioners:
Address: 123 5th Avenue North, Room 150
Phone: 509-422-7100

Chris Branch, Chairman of the Board
Email: cbranch@co.okanogan.wa.us
Phone: 509-322-0735

Andy Hover, Vice-Chairman of the Board
Email: andy.hover@co.okanogan.wa.us
Phone: 509-669-1606

Jon Neal, Member of the Board
Email: jneal@co.okanogan.wa.us
Phone: 509-740-9181

Lanie Johns, Clerk of the Board
Email: ljohns@co.okanogan.wa.us
Phone: 509-422-7100

Twisp Town Council
clerktreasurer@townoftwisp.com
509-997-4081

Soo Ing-Moody, Mayor
townmayor@townoftwisp.com

Katrina Auburn, Position #1
towncouncilkauburn@gmail.com

Aaron Studen, Position #2 – Public Safety
towncouncil.astuden@gmail.com

Alan Caswell, Position #3
towncouncilmember.acaswell@gmail.com

Mark Easton, Position #4
towncouncil.measton@gmail.com

Hans Smith, Position #5  – Mayor Pro-Tem
towncouncil.hsmith@gmail.com