OMAK – In an effort to restore order to Okanogan County, Sheriff Paul Budrow announced his first bold initiative: cracking down on farms and orchards where workers allegedly “rotate Social Security numbers, names, and tax info annually.”

“In this county, we grow apples, cherries, and hay. We don’t grow identities,” Budrow declared from the steps of the courthouse. “I’ve been asked about enforcing immigration laws, but I figure we’ll start with the real problem here; farms letting workers swap identities every year like it’s a tax-season potluck.”

The Sheriff reassured citizens that his office would not be enforcing federal immigration laws. “That’s not my job,” Budrow said. “However, stopping the annual ‘name swap meet’ that apparently takes place across every orchard in this county? That’s local business, and I’m on it.”

The “Identity Swap” Crackdown

Budrow claims farms are allowing workers to “shed their old names like leaves in autumn,” confusing tax collectors, Social Security officials, and anyone with a spreadsheet. To combat this, the Sheriff unveiled his Farmworker Identity Verification Initiative (FIVI):

1. Social Security Scoreboards – Every farm will post a weekly scoreboard ranking who has the most stable identity. No changes allowed mid-season.
2. Mandatory Orchard Roll Call – Deputies will begin conducting surprise morning roll calls to ensure workers are still using last year’s identity. Anyone caught using a new name will be given a stern talking-to.
3. “One W-2 Per Lifetime” Policy – Budrow has proposed that each worker be assigned one Social Security number for all eternity. “No refunds, no exchanges,” he said.

When asked how he plans to verify all this information without violating state law, the Sheriff shrugged. “That’s not the point. The point is I’ll look busy, and that counts for something.”

Local Reaction

The initiative has sparked mixed reactions among farmers and workers. One orchard manager rolled his eyes. “I can barely get folks to show up during harvest. Now I’m supposed to keep track of who’s José and who’s Joe? Just pay the taxes and leave us alone.”

Meanwhile, workers were seen huddling in small groups, joking about preemptively picking out next year’s “new names.”

One farmhand grinned, holding up his name badge. “If Sheriff Budrow can tell me apart from my cousin Juan, I’ll give him a basket of apples.”

The Sheriff’s Stance

Budrow concluded his speech with a solemn warning: “This isn’t just about paperwork. It’s about accountability. If we let farms swap worker names, next thing you know, cows will be changing ear tags, and the tractors will demand different license plates. Chaos, pure chaos.”

Federal agencies, when contacted, responded with confusion. “We…have no idea what he’s talking about,” said one immigration official.

Despite the skepticism, Budrow remains undeterred. “As Sheriff of Okanogan County, I don’t enforce immigration laws, and I don’t deal with federal matters,” Budrow said proudly. “But stopping name-swapping shenanigans? That’s my hill to die on.”

For now, Budrow’s deputies have been dispatched with clipboards and name-checking charts, ready to keep Okanogan’s orchards identity pure.

As one local commenter put it, “At least this gives him something to do between crime calls. Good luck, Sheriff Budrow. Just don’t ask the cows for ID.”

For more from the Sheriff or to give feedback, checkout his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/okanogancountysheriffoffice