If you don’t read the rest of this article, please read the following paragraph!!

Public meeting at the Okanogan County Commissioners 6pm on February 20th.
Verbal comments on the proposed code amendment to Okanogan County Code, Chapter 17A, Zoning will be heard at the public hearing or can be submitted in writing before 5 p.m. on February 12, 2024. Submit comments to: Rocky Robbins, Sr. Planner, Okanogan County Office of Planning & Development, 123 5th Ave. N, Suite 130, Okanogan, WA 98840 or email to her at rrobbins@co.okanogan.wa.us
Okanogan County Zoning Code Revision & All 204 Pages

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Welcome to Okanogan County: Where Building a Birdhouse Requires a Town Hall Meeting

Folks, get those coffee pots brewing and those patience pants on – Okanogan County has outdone itself in the quest to suffocate personal freedom with a mountain of red tape. Thanks to recent zoning and permitting changes, your basic rights as a landowner are about to get more complicated than filing your taxes after a yard sale.

Remember when you bought that property? Visions of building that dreamy little cabin, maybe a nice shed for tools? Think again! Under the guise of “protecting resources,” the county’s made sure you’ll have an easier time getting a bank loan than a permit to improve your own land.

Need to cut down some trees near your house for fire safety? Better hold on tight – you might be hugging your house goodbye if a wildfire strikes. Those changes mean even basic safety improvements could trigger a “site analysis” of such complexity, NASA will offer assistance. Forget a simple garden shed for your tools – the required permits and analysis make it sound like you’re starting a nuclear power plant. Got a hankering for homegrown tomatoes? Hold that thought. Planting a simple garden could require a site plan and approval from everyone on your block, plus a certified weather forecast for the next decade.

We’re not even safe indoors! Turns out, those additions you’ve dreamed about are subject to more scrutiny than a questionable campaign donation. Adding a pantry? Get ready for wildlife surveys! That leaky tool shed in the back? You’ll need an environmental impact statement before replacing a rotten plank. And forget the water – proving you have legal access to that well you already use might land you in court battles faster than a thirsty neighbor during a drought.

Think those new rules sound bad? It gets worse! Get ready for the dreaded “site analysis” required for any new build or addition. Need an extra bedroom for the growing family? Hope you enjoy paperwork, because analyzing your property now rivals launching a space shuttle mission. And get this – those “relevant permits”? That’s bureaucratic code for “we’ll make it up as we go along.” After all, not even the experts in the Planning Department can tell you what hoops you’ll need to jump through. Looks like those county offices might need an addition – you know, to house the new Department of Endless Red Tape.

Speaking of hidden agendas…did anyone actually read about these changes? Notice how those notices were hidden away in the Methow Valley News, smallest newspaper in the county, the one best known for lining birdcages or as campfire kindling.

Oh, and guess what? The elimination of the Rural 1 zone leaves landowners with smaller existing lots high and dry. Forced to share wells, potentially losing property value… sounds like the county solved everyone else’s water needs on their backs.

But hey, if your last name is “Developer,” things look amazing! Increased minimum lot sizes? Works great if you own enough land to subdivide. Those cumbersome new restrictions magically disappear under the right paperwork… and likely a generous campaign contribution or two.

So, future gardeners, builders, and anyone with the audacity to safeguard their home from fire – buckle up for an endless ride on the county’s bureaucratic carousel. Looks like our leaders forgot who this county is supposed to work for. Forget “The Best the West Has to Offer,” Okanogan’s new motto seems to be “Permit Pending… Until the End of Time.”

Update 2/16/2024:

Okanogan County narrowly avoided a potential shutdown of nearly every local gravel source including county and state owned. Initial zoning changes would have effectively banned gravel pits and quarries within large portions of the county. This unexpected move raised concerns over construction material costs and even the county’s ability to maintain roads and infrastructure. The decision to roll back those restrictions suggests even county commissioners realized how disastrous this ill-conceived change could have been.

My personal favorite changes!!

• Neighborly Approval Permit: Any planned changes to your property visible from adjoining lots require written consent from all neighbors within a half-mile radius. Not sure if your new fence color is up to code? Prepare for the bake sale fundraiser to bribe the local HOA. Community Aesthetics Permit: Beige paint not exciting enough? Thinking of flowers that aren’t county-sanctioned? Subject to an “Artistic Review” by a panel whose qualifications include owning at least three cats and a fondness for lawn gnomes. Personal Initiative Penalty: Suspected of independent problem-solving? This surcharge kicks in when you repair something yourself instead of hiring a county-approved professional, thus depriving the system of much-needed red tape generation. Anti-Hermit Permit: Failure to attend at least two (2) community events per month results in mandatory “socialization exercises,” potentially including speed-friending sessions and karaoke night at the senior center.
• Breathing Permit: Required for all ongoing oxygen usage. Fees calculated per inhalation, with additional surcharge for sighs and vigorous laughter.
• Tree Relocation Permit: Planning to rearrange your yard? Each tree, bush, and stray dandelion now requires individual application for government-approved placement.
• Pet Existence Permit: Proof of vaccination, obedience training, and a documented philosophical belief in human superiority needed for that new puppy. Cats: don’t even bother asking.
• Solar Panel Permit (Nighttime Operation): Harnessing that free sunshine? Not so fast! Must submit plans for mitigating unfair competition with county electrical providers.
• Rainwater Collection Permit: Every drop from the sky is county property! Extensive fees apply, drought restrictions may impact eligibility for this essential privilege.
• Thinking Permit (Pending): Proactive measure to limit dangerous ideas about personal liberty and property rights. Application involves direct brain scan by Planning Department.